So after seeing Jamie Lawson at the Ryman last night, I have had this song in my head. Now, I will tell you that I had heard of Lawson before hearing him last night. A friend had mentioned him, and I thought “Cool, I’ll have to check him out.” And like an asshole, I did not check him out… Fast-forward to last night, he wowed me with his performance at the Ryman, and needless to say, I had to download his album (self-titled Jamie Lawson… just in case you wanted to know because you should go download it or something).
From his performance, one song stuck in my mind: “The Only Conclusion.” Lawson told the crowd an anecdote about this song. He said that he wrote it after watching an episode of The Big Bang Theory. Long story short, the song is inspired by Sheldon Cooper’s analytical side when it comes to love. This song speaks to me, and I can’t really explain why. However, the line “I think I may have figured out why / Finally found the very reason / For all this confusion the only conclusion is love” really speaks to me. So enjoy the song.
The fact that Jamie Lawson seems a little nerdy and has a lot of fun with the song helps too.
My grandmother passed away recently. She was a great woman who helped raise me and my cousins when we were children, and she has continued to touch my life even after I grew up and didn’t have as much interaction with her as I did then. After a five year battle with cancer, she passed away having seen all her sisters, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and many nieces and nephews. She leaves behind a legacy that will continue on for a long time to come.
When she planned her funeral, she made it very traditional. She knew exactly what she wanted and had the services carried out in the way that she saw fit. So she went out on her own terms even as she planned them. We even had a laugh at the graveside when we realized that she was late to her own funeral as she and we had said that she would be. She was buried like many people are, and now, there will be a grave that we will visit every year like we do the rest of my grandparents and relatives that have gone on.
However, I find this problematic on so many levels as this sets up a shrine that many will go to to remember her. This is the notion that always makes me a little antsy and causes me to have scruples about what I want when I ultimately go through that process that we all have to. I will tell you that I don’t want people to feel obligated to go to a place and visit me. I don’t want anything like this. I want people to remember me in the small things: a kiss we shared, a laugh, a song we sang too loudly in the car, a judgmental look, whatever it may be. I want it to creep up on them and for them to find themselves suddenly taken with it. Now, this doesn’t mean that I want people to cry (although I know that some might… I’m pretty sure that one of my sisters would if she read this right now), but if that’s the way one reacts, then, they should do it then.
But why I’m writing this now, other than trying to find some catharsis in my grandmother’s loss, is that a student video from Dorian Lebherz & Daniel Titz, two film students, came across my Facebook feed. It is a student directed advertisement for Johnnie Walker Whisky, but it is a beautiful thing. The sentiment is beautiful and is captured in the direction and acting within it. However, the most beautiful part might be the poem voiced-over the entire piece, a poem written by Dorian Lebherz & Daniel Titz and John Reilly:
“Walking the roads of our youth
through the land of our childhood, our home and our truth
Be near me, guide me
always stay beside me so i can be free, free
Lets roam this place
familiar and vast
our playground of green frames, our past
We were wanderers
never lost, always home
When every place was fenceless
and time was endless
our ways were always the same
Cool my demons and walk with me brother
until our roads lead us away from each other
and if your heart’s full of sorrow, keep walking, don’t rest
and promise me from heart to chest
to never let your memories die, never
I will always be alive and by your side,
in your mind
As I write this now, I find myself crying a little, which is big if you know me. There is just something here that touches on everything that I’m thinking and feeling right now. So I hope this doesn’t bum you out too much, but this is just lovely.
So this song has been in my head for a while now. I can’t even explain why, but it’s so damn catchy. And the idea that “this love is getting dangerous” is one that I can understand quite well. So enjoy.
While only a few songs, these are these particular ones are on repeat on a playlist right now.
“La La La”–Naughty Boy feat. Sam Smith
“Hard Out Here”–Lily Allen
This song is brilliant on so many levels. And because of a rough day, I think that it might be my anthem for tonight. So enjoy. Also, have I mentioned that Lily Allen is my spirit animal?
Found this poem from a while back and thought that I would share.
The music of this place pulsates
To the rhythms of heartbeats.
The lights shame me into feeling
That none of this is real, but your hand
On mine makes my heart lose count.
Elegies written in the corners of crinkled
Eye and smile lines. A hollow beat beckons
Me to stay true; however, I know how this night ends,
With me clutching pillows, waking
From a nightmare vision in my own bed.
I scream into the dark, but only silence
Answers my tirade. I hear my heartbeat again
Running away in time with my thoughts and dream
Spectacles again, taking me out of sync. Yet a breath
And a few uncried tears lull me back to my
Blissful torment. An unending dirge.