Bleh with Barry

Random with a cynical twist of lime.

Top 10 Reasons I’m Not a Fan of Twilight

with 8 comments

10. Vampires don’t sparkle. I don’t care how you slice it…they should either burn or lose their powers…the whole sparkling thing is kinda lame. I mean it says “HEY WORLD. LOOK AT ME. I AM SOMETHING TO BE FEARED!”…If you are a creature of the night that lives purely on the blood of another creature, do you really need to call attention to that. (I don’t care if Meyer does try to rationalize this fact by saying that this is the reason why they live in Washington State.)

9. Animal blood…I don’t care how much a vampire claims to be reformed and a “vegetarian” as they call themselves. Vampires are predators of men. Animal blood just doesn’t seem like it would satiate the desire to hunt the most elusive prey…mankind. Also, I think that after a vampire had had a taste of human blood that they would be addicted to it because the wild blood of the animals would probably taste a bit “gamey”.

8. The fact that the Cullen family is willing to stay a family for so long. This doesn’t make sense to me. I get tired of being around people in my family pretty quickly sometimes. I couldn’t fathom spending years, decades, centuries around them…now, I know that some of the Cullens are relatively young; however, people get on each others nerves. They seem happy to live together in harmony…and while this behavior of having a leader of the pack dictate the whole works for animals, I don’t know how well it would work for something that reasons like a human.

7. The fact that it’s really just a love story. While vampire literature can have the idea of love entering into it (I’m not saying that), the majority of vampire stories do not have this as the pure basis of why this story is important…on the other hand, Twilight and the subsequent books focus mainly on this with vampires and werewolves being throw in as backdrop…if you need to get your jollies off by reading something like this, I suggest the romance book aisle at Wal-Mart because quite frankly while they are literary trash some of them are better written than the Meyer books.

6. Washington…Really? Now, I have nothing against Washington (it is a beautiful state), but it seems to me that with all the power that vampirism entails  that they would live in and visit places with a little more history to them. Why not visit Italy or France or Germany or Russia…somewhere a little more exotic. I know that Meyer says they live here because of the overcast days…but really, this is the reason why the vampire is seen as a creature of the night. If these particular vampires only came out at night, they wouldn’t have this problem either.

5. Vampire literature is steeped in folklore and oral tradition dating back centuries. The only thing that Meyer really had the followed the vampire mythos at all is the fact that they drink blood and that completely tearing them apart will destroy them…I mean sure they are other thing there that other people assume are just tied to the vampire myth like super strength, super speed, etc. but these are not found in a lot of the actual base folklore of the vampire.

4. The extra powers that her vampires have are not really original. The whole mind reading thing has been done. Read Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles. Her vampires have very similar “gifts” to Meyer’s. Anne’s vampires came first…thereby, it seems that Meyer may have borrowed the idea from Rice.

3. I despise the character of Bella. Her angsty teenager personality is terrible. She lusts after a guy that she meets randomly and pines over him using every available synonym for pretty or beautiful out there…Good God, get over it…that’s what I think…she is  a narrator that I cannot relate to…this might be because I have a penis. I don’t know…I’m just saying it.

2. The male leads of the novels/movies Edward and Jacob are not that great in my head. Edward is brooding and angsty just like Bella which is sad because he is a 100 year old teenager…Jacob is weird and off to the side and is there just for plot point to me…They’re both really static charaters…main characters to me should be fully realized “people”.

1. The whole star-crossed lovers thing has been done before and much better. Think of Romeo and Juliet. Shakespeare wrote a brilliant play of love and tragedy…Meyer has written a stock narrator in the form of Bella (who is written without a personality because Meyer wants the reader to “become” Bella). She falls in love with the “bad” guy. From that point, terrible things unfold for her; until, she finally becomes a vampire and has a baby…Please…it’s God awful…

Bad writing, bad plot, misusage of a mythological creature, and other terrible facets are the main reasons that I dislike this series. I know that some things are open to interpretation (i.e. the whole vampire thing), but there is nothing that can redeem the many flaws that stretch across all fields of writing.

8 Responses

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  1. Haha wow finally a different view point !!


    March 19, 2010 at 9:45 pm

  2. As someone who deals with this god-awful series on a daily basis – AMEN!!!


    July 27, 2010 at 5:47 pm

  3. I totally agree.


    August 20, 2010 at 7:29 am

  4. Thank god someone else agrees with me.
    Meyer also borrowed quite a lot from the Vampire Diaries. That series has a teenager female (human) lead, with two vampires pining over her.

    I’ve always had an issue with Twilight. It just annoys me. Sometimes I feel like the only 20-something year old female who doesn’t care if you’re team edward or team jacob.


    August 20, 2010 at 7:45 am

  5. I spent the entire series wanting to punch Bella in the face. Actually, my girlfriend and I never miss the movies. Not because we like them, but because we think paying $12.50 to make fun of it (loudly) for two hours is a great time.


    August 20, 2010 at 11:48 am

  6. I couldn’t have written this better. Thanks for enumerating everything that’s wrong with Twilight! Now I feel so relieved! =)


    August 22, 2010 at 2:40 am

  7. Well said!
    I despise the character Bella as well (and I don’t even have a penis), but I really can’t stand all her angsty and miserable teenage mood. And the pure selfishness she shows all the time, ugh!
    Besides that, where is the vampiric arrogance? Nowhere! And the sparkling? Oh please! No vampire will ever sparkle. It’s a complete disgreace.

    So, well said ;D


    August 22, 2010 at 5:04 pm

  8. I completely agree with you on the character of Bella. To me, it seems like there’s no basis for this “love”. It seems like one minute they’re meeting, and the next they’re madly in love and she wants to jump his bones and become a vampire. I can’t really think of any “deep” discussions they actually had in the books. Or movies.

    PS. Under no circumstances should a vampire sparkle. That’s just…no.


    August 28, 2010 at 8:07 pm

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