Bleh with Barry

Random with a cynical twist of lime.

A Letter to Someone Loved

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So I am posting this letter here because I feel like it needs to be in the air. It needs to have life breathed into it because I will never send it. I expressed my feelings, and the response was not unexpected. However, it still did not exonerate me of my feelings. When you tell someone who has breathed their heart out that “you don’t see it like that now, but maybe,” it creates so many feelings, but yah know.

The letter is here:

I know this might change the dynamic of our friendship and ripple out from there, which is why I’ve been hesitant to even say anything at all. I value our friendship. I think of you as one of my best friends, but I have been dealing with something for a little bit now. And I value honesty in all my relationships, so I feel like I need to tell you something that is very difficult for me as it will change things. Change is always scary, especially when you feel exceptionally vulnerable about the particular subject you need to discuss. But here it goes.

I’m in love with you. I had thought that these feelings had subsided and I wouldn’t have to worry about them again. However, here we are. I remember three years ago, I asked you out, and you said no in a nice way. And I took that rejection in stride. Rejection is a normal part of life, and we weren’t close then. But there have been things going on lately that feel different. Maybe we’re just getting closer (and maybe I’m fucking that closeness with this). Maybe the overthinker in me is clouding my vision, and I would do well not to even say this to you. But I do. I am—I find myself in love with you.

You are intelligent, kind, beautiful (inside and out), and so much more. You are just an all-around wonderful human, and I’m privileged to even know you. I feel a connection with you that I have only really felt with one other person throughout my life. I feel an electricity when I’m around you. You’re special. And this specialness permeates those people that are around you. And I don’t think you even realize this. Again, you are special, and I feel many common bonds with you.

I know I’m probably fucking up a friendship here by telling you all this. I hope not, but I have weighed out the cost here. I never do anything lightly. It’s not what I do, and I think you know that. I don’t know if you feel the same about me in any way. It’s okay if you don’t (although you don’t need my permission for this either… I am well aware of this). I understand how these things work in a logical sense. However, I also know I’m terrible in situations where my emotions get in the way. When my heart is involved, everything becomes muddy, and it takes addressing the situation head-on to gain clarity. I’m sorry that this may come at the expense of our friendship, but I needed to let you know so I can deal with it regardless of what happens. I hope if there is nothing else that we can remain friends, but if not, I understand

 

You must feel. I just hope that the predicaments are more forgiving of you, you lovelies.

Written by uncannynerdyguy

April 16, 2020 at 11:16 pm

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