Bleh with Barry

Random with a cynical twist of lime.

Night Terrors

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Found this poem from a while back and thought that I would share.

 

“Night Terrors”

The music of this place pulsates

To the rhythms of heartbeats.

The lights shame me into feeling

That none of this is real, but your hand

On mine makes my heart lose count.

 

Elegies written in the corners of crinkled

Eye and smile lines. A hollow beat beckons

Me to stay true; however, I know how this night ends,

With me clutching pillows, waking

From a nightmare vision in my own bed.

 

I scream into the dark, but only silence

Answers my tirade. I hear my heartbeat again

Running away in time with my thoughts and dream

Spectacles again, taking me out of sync. Yet a breath

And a few uncried tears lull me back to my

Blissful torment. An unending dirge.

 

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Written by barryr22

March 7, 2016 at 1:09 am

Posted in Poetry, writing

Things I Never Want to Admit that I Want to Myself or Others

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So I’ve been thinking a lot lately. I know that those who know me are so surprised (*sarcasm*). And I’ve been trying to figure out what I really want from the here and now and from life in general. So I’m listing some things here. However, now, you have to really wonder if these are the deepest recesses of my soul or if these are the ones that I will allow myself to share.

  1. A full-time job. While working part-time at many different places can be rewarding in a lot of ways, the fact that I work several jobs and always feel like I’m meeting myself coming and going is not fun. I’m currently looking for something a little more permanent, but I know that permanency is not something that is necessarily 100% super either.
  2. Being published for something. I know that this sounds a little vague or whatever, but I really want something of mine to be published by someone. I know that I could self-publish and that this is still an option, but I want for someone in the traditional publishing field to want something of mine so much that they offer me that golden ticket contract. I say this as I have submitted a short story recently, am prepped to submit a selection to an open call pub., and have several other things that I’m working on creatively. These are all the crazy things that are consistently running through my little mind, and I have hope that something will come of it, maybe.
  3. Inner piece. Recently, I have put myself out there in ways that I cannot describe here nor want to. I have done as Miss Frizzle said. I took chances, got messy and made mistakes. And now, I feel like I am dealing with the fallout of these things emotionally as well as in the real world. I don’t know what will become of all the stuff, but I really want to get to a place where I feel like I’m not a raw nerve, and while I know that many people would never know what is going on in my head, I want the calm and collected demeanor to be a reality within the framework of my own head.
  4. Love and intellectual companionship. I’ve always imagined myself as a loner and as someone who would be alone with their 40 dogs, cats, and fish much later in life. This was never a thought that I would have pondered until recently. As pragmatic and logical person who is capable of reading people and situations quite well, connecting with people is hard. I don’t make friends or start relationships with people easily. This is even more true of those that I feel might last or be lasting. As a person who has grown up around people with faulty relationships, seen marriages fall apart, and gotten jaded by any number of events, I find it hard to admit to myself that I have this desire. My family says that I’m picky, but  as shallow as it sounds on some level, I can’t be with just anyone because I have to feel that spark not only of attractiveness but of intellectual compatibility. For me, attractiveness and sexual compatibility goes beyond whether or not someone is “hot.” I could really give a shit less about whether a person is the hottest thing that has ever walked the earth, but to feel that connection and to be able to hold an intellectual conversation, I don’t know how to describe it but damn… dayum.
  5. Change. I don’t do well with instability paired with monotony. While these may sound like conflicting ideas, I talk now about the monotony of being in a particular situation while feeling like that position is precarious. As such, I long for change. I may have to manufacture the change on some level, and I don’t know what that will be. However, I need to roll along and find something. While this may be weird to those that long for the everyday or the ordinary (and these things aren’t bad), I need something more, and I am becoming uniquely aware of this with every passing moment in my own head.

So there you have it. A few thoughts from this chaotic head of mine. I find writing to be cathartic, and maybe, you’re feeling the same way too. If so, feel free to chat with me in the comments below.

Written by barryr22

March 2, 2016 at 11:10 pm

Posted in goals, life, writing

The Song in My Head: “First Time He Kissed a Boy”

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I found this song today. It popped up in my YouTube feed, and I clicked into it. It’s from Danish band Kadie Elder. And its message is comes from the turmoil that is teenage years in the lives of young men and women. They move from the “first time he kissed a boy” to lead us into what comes next. The idea behind the song is simple, but for me, it sends a positive message.

Growing up in the rural South where being gay / trans / bi is oftentimes looked down on and even seen as a black mark on persons, I think we need a little more of the understanding and positive message inherent here to push the hate and bigotry out of the way. Enjoy the song and the video.

 

Written by barryr22

March 2, 2016 at 9:15 pm

Song in my Head: Place of Paradise by Eli Lieb

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This song has been in my head lately. It’s by a relative unknown artist (I know he’s known but not on a grand scale). I found him from his cover of “Wrecking Ball” which is fantastic, but this is an interesting song too. Enjoy.

 

Written by barryr22

February 9, 2016 at 10:17 pm

Posted in music

Song of the Day: “I Don’t Want to Go Home” by Nick Mulvey

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This song has been in my head all day. It’s a song about love (as most songs are… Thanks Aida the Musical).  I can’t explain why I like this one… It’s just simple and touching.

Written by barryr22

February 4, 2016 at 11:57 pm

Posted in Folk-Pop, music

Songs in My Head: “All I Want” performed by Stevie McCrorie

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Ever since I heard Stevie McCrorie on “The Voice UK,” I fell in love with his voice because of its rawness and sincerity. There’s just something about the way in which he interprets songs that makes me really feel what it is that he is going for if that makes sense to anyone out there in blogland.

His cover of “All I Want,” originally performed by Kodaline, is probably one of my favorites that he does. I hope you enjoy.

 

Written by barryr22

January 30, 2016 at 12:20 am

Posted in Fun, music, Musical, Songs

Song in My Head: “Letting You Go” by Luke Sital-Singh

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Here’s another song by the really talented Luke Sital-Singh. The one is really intriguing, and I’m still trying to figure out exactly how I understand / read the song (It’s the English major in me).

Here are some of the lyrics that I transcribed from the song:

“Well, it’s been too long. No, it’s been too long, and it’s all my fault this time. I’m a long way back in the distance now, and I don’t know if I’m strong. On the darkest night when I told you lies for a chance I might seem cool, well, the ghosts were there roaming in their underwear, making me look like a fool.

At the breakneck speed of tomorrow, I’m never letting you go. I’m never letting you go. At the heartbreak speed of tomorrow, I’m never letting you go. I’m never letting you go.”

I find his poetry mesmerizing.

Written by barryr22

January 8, 2016 at 10:21 pm