Bleh with Barry

Random with a cynical twist of lime.

Posts Tagged ‘feelings

Craze

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An indian summer

The heat rails against

The spirit that I have salvaged.

I cannot feel what

The others want me to feel.

Pumping hips,

Vigorous needings…

Allowing myself to feel

Exposed to the world.

Feeling what I haven’t allowed myself to…

No matter, I put on my armor again…

I cannot allow another chink to leave me

Open.

Written by uncannynerdyguy

July 1, 2010 at 12:31 am

Send in the Clowns

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So, today, when I arrived back at my apartment after being out all day. I settled in front of my computer for a few minutes before I went to shower and ready myself for bed, and a song popped into my head because I was in the appropriate mood for it. “Send in the Clowns” from the Sondheim musical A Little Night Music, which I don’t know a terrible lot about, arrived in my psyche.

If you’re familiar with the song, it is generally sung by a woman, and it almost seems like she is talking about being in a circus…because this is what all the metaphors and similes contained within the piece are about. But if you go deeper, you will find that the song is actually about a failing relationship which seems like it is just falling apart. In the course of the song, the actress sings that people need to send in the clowns to detract from what is really going on (in the circus world of old this was actually done if something happened unexpectedly). She continues to plead with them and her lover as the song progresses until at the very end she says “don’t bother, they’re here” referring to herself and her mate. She knows that their relationship is in a funk that will probably never resolve itself. Thereby, it is a mockery and a show to all who look upon it. They are in fact the clowns.

Today, this song entered my mind because of the mood that I’ve been in. Now, I don’t have a faltering relationship that I’m dealing with or anything to that effect. It’s just that I feel like my world is topsy-turvy, and I feel like I myself am on display as a clown (not to say that I don’t enjoy being a clown every once and a while). It’s just such an odd feeling. I’m not necessarily saying that it’s a bad feeling either…it’s just an emotion that is going wonky on me…hmmmmm….Anyway, here’s a great version of the song performed by Glenn Close. I hope you enjoy.

Somethings that Make Me Tear Up Everytime

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So, I’ll be honest with you. I’m a person who is pretty dead when it comes to being emotional in front of people. Part of this may be due to my raising because in the south boys aren’t supposed to cry. Part of it may also because I am just a person who understands that there is a time and a place for emotions. For example, I don’t think that everyone should share the dirty laundry of their break up with people that they might at best consider acquaintances. It’s just a thing. Perhaps, I suffer alone without rhyme or reason. I don’t know. However, I will continue to do such because it’s ingrained in my nature now.

There are a couple of things that get me every time though. Both of them are musicals. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, music is the great emotional manipulator in my mind. Why? It mixes the strong emotions of the world with music.

 I am a sucker for music. It is a great love of mine. I love music from classical to contemporary because it hits on so many levels within my psyche. It manipulates me like no person will ever be able to. I am a wimp when it comes to musical manipulation or surprises (don’t get me started on this…the end of Atonement , a movie, and Next to Normal, a musical).

The main things that get me are musicals. It’s because of the music. It’s the one thing that will get me time after time. It breaks down all the barriers and makes me feel at ease before it shatters the barriers that I put up to contain my emotional baggage.

Recently, there have been two musicals that have done this to me. Next to Normal and Les Miserables cause me much grief as I listen to the beautiful heartache that is contained within the melodies and harmonies of each. They each have a great overarching story that makes me sad (what with a bipolar mother and the effects on the family and the French Revolution). However, each of them presents their sad tale in the form of a musical drama. This is the worst/best part for me. I love the music of each musical (matter-of-factly, N2N is brilliant across the board musically).

They set me at ease and then take me into the depths of despair. They each leave me with hope and allow me to face emotions that I would never think about pouring myself into. They make me think which is pretty phenomenal for anything that is supposed to be as superficial and candied as a musical. I find myself starting to get into the action and feel with the characters every time with these two musicals. Quite frankly, I suggest that if you haven’t heard/seen them that you do so as soon as possible because they are an experience not to be trifled with.

Actwhore

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So, I have to say that I really do enjoy acting. As the opening of a new show arrives, something stirs in me that I find exciting and invigorating because all the hard word that my compatriots and I have put forth is about to be rewarded. All the blood, sweat, and broken glass will be forgotten as the crowd begins to cheer and the adrenaline begins to pump.

Some people talk about the runners high (and I have no doubt that it exists), but I believe in an acting high. There is just nothing quite like being in front of a live crowd pulling off their energy and putting it back out  ten-fold. I love doing it. Like I said, there is nothing quite like it because every show is different and every night is a new experience.

I joke around when I’m in productions by saying that I’m an Act-whore…however, it’s fairly true. I will be in practically any show (there are some I won’t touch but let’s face it everyone has standards…), will expose my raw self to the audience, and will hope to have left everyone feeling satisfied in the end.

Written by uncannynerdyguy

February 21, 2010 at 1:10 am