Posts Tagged ‘feelings’
Craze
An indian summer
The heat rails against
The spirit that I have salvaged.
I cannot feel what
The others want me to feel.
Pumping hips,
Vigorous needings…
Allowing myself to feel
Exposed to the world.
Feeling what I haven’t allowed myself to…
No matter, I put on my armor again…
I cannot allow another chink to leave me
Open.
Send in the Clowns
So, today, when I arrived back at my apartment after being out all day. I settled in front of my computer for a few minutes before I went to shower and ready myself for bed, and a song popped into my head because I was in the appropriate mood for it. “Send in the Clowns” from the Sondheim musical A Little Night Music, which I don’t know a terrible lot about, arrived in my psyche.
If you’re familiar with the song, it is generally sung by a woman, and it almost seems like she is talking about being in a circus…because this is what all the metaphors and similes contained within the piece are about. But if you go deeper, you will find that the song is actually about a failing relationship which seems like it is just falling apart. In the course of the song, the actress sings that people need to send in the clowns to detract from what is really going on (in the circus world of old this was actually done if something happened unexpectedly). She continues to plead with them and her lover as the song progresses until at the very end she says “don’t bother, they’re here” referring to herself and her mate. She knows that their relationship is in a funk that will probably never resolve itself. Thereby, it is a mockery and a show to all who look upon it. They are in fact the clowns.
Today, this song entered my mind because of the mood that I’ve been in. Now, I don’t have a faltering relationship that I’m dealing with or anything to that effect. It’s just that I feel like my world is topsy-turvy, and I feel like I myself am on display as a clown (not to say that I don’t enjoy being a clown every once and a while). It’s just such an odd feeling. I’m not necessarily saying that it’s a bad feeling either…it’s just an emotion that is going wonky on me…hmmmmm….Anyway, here’s a great version of the song performed by Glenn Close. I hope you enjoy.
Actwhore
So, I have to say that I really do enjoy acting. As the opening of a new show arrives, something stirs in me that I find exciting and invigorating because all the hard word that my compatriots and I have put forth is about to be rewarded. All the blood, sweat, and broken glass will be forgotten as the crowd begins to cheer and the adrenaline begins to pump.
Some people talk about the runners high (and I have no doubt that it exists), but I believe in an acting high. There is just nothing quite like being in front of a live crowd pulling off their energy and putting it back out ten-fold. I love doing it. Like I said, there is nothing quite like it because every show is different and every night is a new experience.
I joke around when I’m in productions by saying that I’m an Act-whore…however, it’s fairly true. I will be in practically any show (there are some I won’t touch but let’s face it everyone has standards…), will expose my raw self to the audience, and will hope to have left everyone feeling satisfied in the end.