Posts Tagged ‘life’
Understanding People
Sometimes, I try to hard to understand why people do the things that they do. Why do some people create a pattern for their behaviors and then
By CrazyPhunk (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
I am a people watcher. I like to be around people and interact with them. Now, this should not be mistaken that I like the majority of people because that is simply not true. There are those people who get on my nerves, those that I view as acquaintances, those that I am becoming friends with, those that are my good friends, those that I consider to be my best friends, and then, there’s my family (which is an entirely different story for another time). I like the idea of people, but sometimes they give me no options but to distrust and shy away from them. This comes from the whole idea of really getting into the psyche of a person. I want to know why people do what they do. What motivates them to be and exist? What causes them to do what they do when they do it? Is there a pattern? Or are they completely random?
By Arquivo da família (Arquivo da família) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
At this point, it’s almost one in the morning, and I’m sitting here writing this when I should be in bed. I’m beginning to ramble, but part of me wants to keep writing because sometimes I wonder why it is that I continue to write blogs that deal with poetry, irritating things, random movies, etc. I know that I enjoy doing it, but is this simple answer a good one in and of itself? Or is there something more that I should delve into to really seek out the heart of why it is that I write? That I continue to watch people? That I continue to question why people feel that they don’t have to explain themselves whenever they perform actions that are out of character for them?
Honestly, I know that I will continue to question people’s motivations. However, maybe I should be asking myself: why the fuck do I care? Again, I’m not completely sure…maybe, it’s because I look for the good in people…who knows? Maybe, I’m just crazy myself…
Out of the Bag
A screech from my soul
Into the dark night. But
You’re standing with your
MP3 player blocking out
The sound of my pleadings.
All that you hear is the sound
Of 90’s grunge echoing against
My cries. Why won’t you listen to
Me? Why can’t you see? But you
Stand there, sipping your latte
While the car crushes your
Brittle ego.
A Troubled Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste
By Jonathan Joseph Bondhus (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)%5D, via Wikimedia Commons
–Barry
Forcing It
A ditty drums endlessly
Through my head reminding
Me of you. And I
Smile. Yet, even with this smile,
I know that something is unsettled
Between the folds of my mind.
A silence pervades
The space between
Yesterday and tomorrow
But today does not exist.
It is only a hope or
A memory, nothing
More. The piano player
Forgets the music and
I slip into triviality as
The dancing bear taps on.
Fear 96 of 101: People Wearing White Linen Pants and Shorts
So, recently, on the campus that I work at / go to, I have seen an increasing number of people (both male and female) wearing white linen pants. Moreover, these pants are sheer…which isn’t so bad unless you see that the people are going commando under them. Both of the people I have seen of late were not wearing any underwear, and let’s just say that nothing was left to the imagination. Now, I’m all for people feeling free in their own skin, but I am not a fan of seeing another guy’s or woman’s genitalia while I’m walking about doing my daily activities.
**Sheerness levels increase and decrease–For both of these individuals that I saw, it made me wonder what they would do if they got especially sweaty or if it decided to rain that day…Then, we go from sheer with the partial view to complete peepshow…I honestly don’t understand why people would do this because you’re out there, both figuratively and literally.
**God forbid they should not cleanse themselves when going to the bathroom–I don’t feel like I should have to spell this one out…so, I’m not going to…yeah…
My suggestion is either 1) don’t wear the pants like this because they freak people out (I know personally I can’t have a serious conversation with anyone wearing these sheer pants like this…why? Because I’m sitting there going “don’t make eye contact with it…) or 2) wear some damn underwear (I know that it might not look the best in the world because the pants are the aforementioned sheer…but no one really wants to see what you’re packing downstairs [unless otherwise indicated in some other manner]). So, yeah….
A Cynical Life
Recently, brace yourselves, I have discovered that I have apparently been a cynical person for a while. What led me to this conclusion? Well, it involved going to lunch with some of my friends form high school. Now, for some of you who know me, high school has been a few years ago. (side note: I”m not super young. However, I’m still fairly young….but that’s beside the point, I didn’t want to paint myself as some old troll under the bridge waiting for passersby.) Anyway, we were sitting there reminiscing about high school and talking about life when the idea of what we had originally majored in in college came up, and one of my friends commented that she was originally going to be an accountant.
Well, we kept chatting, and I said that I could never be an accountant because I would be so bored by the monotony of it all…I also said something to the effect of “I would have to go to the store and buy razor blades to spice things up because I would wonder is today going to be the day.” This received a chuckle from the table, and everyone commented that I’m the same old Barry…honestly, I did not realize that I have been this way for years…however a group of four people wouldn’t tell lies (and a communal one at that) would they?
Honestly, I think that a resolution (and I know that it’s a little late in the month of January for this) for me would be to be a little less cynical that what I am….Understandablly, I don’t think that I will quit being cynical entirely because I think that is part of who I am. It’s also what gives me some of my dry wit and makes me a little weird and fun…however, I think that having a more positive cynicism might be better…it’s achieving this sort of thing that may be nigh impossible. (Additionally, just to let you all know, I believe that the glass could be filled up or could be emptied fairly quickly by chugging depending on what’s inside.)
Living
Daily, I battle
The tempest trying to
Blow my spirit into
Submission.
It takes me by
Surprise and sucks the
Wind out of my chilled
Lungs.
Drowning on the land, it’s
Harder to breathe
Sleeping in a bed of
Squalor.
Slowly hands touch,
Lips meet, a run of electricity
Up my spine
Shooting.
Emptiness cannot be
Voided by this
Illusion playing…
Lying.
The World or Something Like It
Clarity is rarely afforded
To the masses.
Driving in our cars
Listening to our music
Flipping off the other
Cutting into our lane.
A silicon dream bought by
Blood and sweat and rage.
Can we fix it?!?
No, we can’t.
Hi, I’m Barry, and I’m a Procrastinating Perfectionist
Being in Graduate school now, I’m realizing that some of my old ways will not fly simply because of the amount of work that I’m having to do for school in tandem with teaching time and preparation. I am having to break some of the habits that I have acquired in my undergrad and that I’ve developed as of being out of school for the past couple of years…*sigh*….however, the biggest one of these is my procrastinating perfectionism.
It’s a terrible thing to be actually…if I didn’t give a shit it would all be okay. However, I do care about the quality of my work and will stay up late the night before an assignment is due trying to bang it out and bring it up to my standards at the same time. Now, I will not say that I have ever been a “great” writer because believe me I can improve. Yet, recently, I’ve realized that with the amount of reading that I do for classes in a weeks time teamed with this is likely the recipe for disaster. So, I’m trying to do a few things to help me keep focused and moving forward.
1) Having a schedule. At least mentally, I want to have my days nailed down so I know exactly what I need to do to get my work accomplished and still have some time for Barry. I know some people might say that I need a planner, and maybe I do. However, they have never worked for me in the past. I can’t see them working for me now…
2) Try to finish drafts of paper in advance of the final due date. This may seem like a no brainer to some people out there, but to me, it seems practically foreign. My mind says that I will do better if I work under pressure. Still, a part of me knows that it would be a great relief to have the stress removed from my mind earlier, and then, I could polish the drafts to make them better, rather than turning in a first draft. Doing so could also help me get people to look over my work and check for those dreaded grammatical errors…people are much more willing if you do it in advance…
3) Try to remain organized. Now, I won’t say that I’ve ever won an award for being the most organized person in the world, but I do try to stay on top of things. My theory is if I keep things were they are accessible and evident that I might not lose something…which is the worst feeling in the world (I’m actually looking for a copy of Microsoft Office right now that I have misplaced…it’s old, but I need it for a new PC).
Maybe with a little determination and force of will, I can keep up with these few guidelines that I’ve set for myself and won’t be freaking out at the time of finals wondering how in the hell I’m going to finish everything that I’ve let pile up around me. They say the first step in fixing a problem is to admit it…so, yeah….that one is out of the way.
Mental Gymnastics
My mind feels like a butterfly clamped between the thumb and index finger of a young child…You may be wondering how something like this may be relevant to my random stream of thought in the world at large and on some hand it might not be connected at all…or maybe it’s more interconnected that anyone could ever dream.
In the past few weeks, I have went from working a job at a Kroger in Nashville doing multiple different things. On my off days, I would try to coordinate an upcoming move (which has just happened, matter-of-factly, I just moved…more on that in a bit). It was hectic to say the least between people needing me to do my job at the company and me needing well me to get prepared for a change of scenery.
The move finally happened, and now, I am settling into a new place. New apartment, new people, new job, new station in life for a while, new…well everything. I know that I might not have mentioned this in my blog thus far, but I am embarking on a new journey into a graduate program. As of right now, I don’t know what to think or feel other than nervous and a little scared because I’ve been out of formal academic classroom setting for a couple of years. I am antsy overall. To top this, I feel like a little fish in a big pond to use a very clichéd simile. I don’t know what to expect and am questioning my validity somewhat. Maybe it’s the first week jitters…who knows?
All I know is that I hope that as I begin to settle into a routine and get some semblance of familiarity and balance that life will begin to not feel like I am flapping fruitlessly in the chubby fingers of some child. While there is much more I could write, I believe that I might be sounding whiny or bitchy in some way…sooooo, I think that it’s better if I just leave it at that. C’est la vie.
