Bleh with Barry

Random with a cynical twist of lime.

Posts Tagged ‘love

Thinking on Death and What One Leaves Behind

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My grandmother passed away recently. She was a great woman who helped raise me and my cousins when we were children, and she has continued to touch my life even after I grew up and didn’t have as much interaction with her as I did then. After a five year battle with cancer, she passed away having seen all her sisters, children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and many nieces and nephews. She leaves behind a legacy that will continue on for a long time to come.

When she planned her funeral, she made it very traditional. She knew exactly what she wanted and had the services carried out in the way that she saw fit. So she went out on her own terms even as she planned them. We even had a laugh at the graveside when we realized that she was late to her own funeral as she and we had said that she would be. She was buried like many people are, and now, there will be a grave that we will visit every year like we do the rest of my grandparents and relatives that have gone on.

However, I find this problematic on so many levels as this sets up a shrine that many will go to to remember her. This is the notion that always makes me a little antsy and causes me to have scruples about what I want when I ultimately go through that process that we all have to. I will tell you that I don’t want people to feel obligated to go to a place and visit me. I don’t want anything like this. I want people to remember me in the small things: a kiss we shared, a laugh, a song we sang too loudly in the car, a judgmental look, whatever it may be. I want it to creep up on them and for them to find themselves suddenly taken with it. Now, this doesn’t mean that I want people to cry (although I know that some might… I’m pretty sure that one of my sisters would if she read this right now), but if that’s the way one reacts, then, they should do it then.

But why I’m writing this now, other than trying to find some catharsis in my grandmother’s loss, is that a student video from Dorian Lebherz & Daniel Titz, two film students, came across my Facebook feed. It is a student directed advertisement for Johnnie Walker Whisky, but it is a beautiful thing. The sentiment is beautiful and is captured in the direction and acting within it. However, the most beautiful part might be the poem voiced-over the entire piece, a poem written by Dorian Lebherz & Daniel Titz and John Reilly:

“Walking the roads of our youth

through the land of our childhood, our home and our truth

Be near me, guide me

always stay beside me so i can be free, free

Lets roam this place

familiar and vast

our playground of green frames, our past

We were wanderers

never lost, always home

When every place was fenceless

and time was endless

our ways were always the same

Cool my demons and walk with me brother

until our roads lead us away from each other

and if your heart’s full of sorrow, keep walking, don’t rest

and promise me from heart to chest

to never let your memories die, never

I will always be alive and by your side,

in your mind

I’m free”

As I write this now, I find myself crying a little, which is big if you know me. There is just something here that touches on everything that I’m thinking and feeling right now. So I hope this doesn’t bum you out too much, but this is just lovely.

 

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Happy V-D

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So, this Valentine’s Day, just like many in the past, I am not with someone to celebrate. However, I am perfectly okay with that. Now, many people may wonder how a person could be okay with being alone on this day of commercialistic love. It’s simple; I am okay with being alone as of right now.

It may seem a little odd that someone is okay with being alone. Yet, I have a good group of friends that I will probably be hanging out with to watch some television or something like that. It’s actually quite nice to be alone on some of these “holidays” (and I use the term loosely when talking about V-D) because you have no worries about who you have to please or if you have to do something big to make them know that you care about them. I think that it’s all a bunch of crock anyway simply because why do we as a culture have to agree that there is one particular day to tell that one special someone you love that you love them. Honestly, I don’t know that I agree with celebrating V-D simply because it is a ploy to get you to buy your sweet heart (significant other, big momma, sweet daddy, whatever…I could go on with these terms of endearment) a gift to show them that you care.

I mean seriously folks…Does V-D really, truly mean anything beyond the cutesy cherub on the card shooting his arrow into two hearts (which is really gruesome imagery if you really think about it)? I think that it began as a commercial venue to get people to spend money (and yes, I know about St. Valentine…yet, really people don’t know a lot about him because historically, we don’t know that much), and now, we as parts of the world economy feel as though we have to purchase things to be good “lovers” of the world and of those around us. Additionally, I’m not completely blameless on this front. Matter-of- factly, I bought several of my friends presents for V-D because all of us are going to be hanging out with each other on  this holiest of holy love days…eh…I’m not as bitter as I sound in the post…I just wish that people would show each other the love year round instead of having to wait for a special day to do so.

Simply put, I wish that we didn’t have to feel so inclined by the media, by the displays as local chain stores, by the goading of people who don’t really matter (I’m talking about the people who rag on you if you don’t buy someone something on V-D), by the materialistic world that we live in to go out and spend money to show individuals that we love them. Why not say it with a good deed? A smile at the person who is sitting alone? A hug for your friends? So, that would be my idea for the rest of the year, try to make V-D a part of everyday life instead of the extraordinary day of the year.

Written by barryr22

February 14, 2011 at 7:50 pm

Living

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Daily, I battle

The tempest trying to

Blow my spirit into

Submission.

It takes me by

Surprise and sucks the

Wind out of my chilled

Lungs.

Drowning on the land, it’s

Harder to breathe

Sleeping in a bed of

Squalor.

Slowly hands touch,

Lips meet, a run of electricity

Up my spine

Shooting.

Emptiness cannot be

Voided by this

Illusion playing…

Lying.

Written by barryr22

November 3, 2010 at 1:22 am

Posted in Poetry

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Elizabeth

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A dream of a woman in white.

The pearls against her breast

Cascading from elegant hair.

She is a modern goddess.

My fate lies in the palm of her

Loathful hand, but I speak too soon.

She seems to love me

Takes me to her chamber.

Wishes to see every part of me…

Before she lets the executioner’s axe

Fall where hours before her rose lips

Suckled.

Written by barryr22

August 8, 2010 at 12:26 am

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Flecks

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A shudder in the dark

Feeling for the warmth

That left hours before.

One night of connection

Before heartache reawakens

To a new degree.

Touching another person

Allows us to touch god

Again…again.

Written by barryr22

June 15, 2010 at 12:16 am

Posted in Poetry

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Nirvana

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For years, I dreamt of a land.

Far away from this one,

Where people live forever

An immortal land beyond the stars.

But a cold chill came to my consciousness

And told me that my ideas were flawed.

No place existed where we can be free

From sorrow and death.

A queen’s ransom is paid to assuage

My supple longing to feel flesh,

To feel the warm sun upon my hair,

To be wrapped in the wind.

Piteous blackness waits for me

Writhing against my temporal existence

Pulling me into the nothingness

That waits for me beyond the pale

Written by barryr22

April 13, 2010 at 11:59 pm

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The Fine Art of Insanity

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Now, if you talk to people who are around me on a regular basis, most of them will probably tell you that I’m a little off. I know this. I’m a little “over exuberant” (a term which I used several times in an interview for a job). I’m am a little odd to say the least. However, I believe there is a fine art to being “insane”…now, I’m not saying that I’m psychotic or something like that; I’m just saying that I do and say things a little odd sometimes which is perfectly fine in my own little world (It’s okay they all know me here…j/k).

1) There is a fine line between knowing when to be crazy and when to get down to business. Now, I’ll admit that even I have a difficulty with this from time to time. I like to do random things to see people’s reaction to it. I like to burst out into a showtune and try to get people to sing along. However, there is an appropriate time and a place when you should not do this. For example, you should not do this when you with a group of people and it’s crunch time. Your “over exuberance” will not be appreciated…it will probably receive threats of some sort.

2) Funny Haha…and not so funny OMG…There are differences in the things that you can say. Random is usually good….the more off the wall, the more likely it will be appreciated and laughed at. People like to laugh at the randomness and quirks of some people (think of how Jim Carrey and Robin Williams have careers). However there is the shock comedy that some people like to try…which is mainly for attention…this comedy is not really well received (such as making jokes about people’s deaths right after they happened). This is usually frowned on and should be discouraged…

3) Know who you’re around. There are some people that will be okay with the insanity, but you should also be able to read them and see if they’re still receptive to it. There is nothing that makes a situation more awkward than someone trying to be a little off killter….and then,other people in the group get pissed. You should be able to divine other people around you’s moods or should only act “crazy” around those people who love and understand you.

4) You should be the lovable kind of “crazy”. Not the annoying kind. There are differences. The lovable crazies aren’t “on” all the time. They understand that there is a time and a place for their antics. The annoying ones usually don’t and will not restrain themselves at all…this is why they are annoying because this lack of control…

so, yeah…I think that I might be a little “insane”, but at the same time, I know that there is a time and a place for all things.

Written by barryr22

March 29, 2010 at 11:14 pm