Bleh with Barry

Random with a cynical twist of lime.

Posts Tagged ‘twilight

Halloween Costumes that I’m not Excited to See

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As Halloween gets closer, I begin to think of Halloween costumes. Mainly, I am focusing on what I want to be…and believe me this is a tall order because I try to go for interesting and odd costumes that have varying purposes but enough about me. I’ve been thinking about it the last few days and realized some of the costumes that we might see from people who are caught up in the fads of the here and now.

1) The Mad Hatter and other Alice in Wonderland characters. Good God, I hope that I don’t see a bevy of these characters this Halloween…even though, I know that I will. Due to the success of the movie and it being one of Johnny Depp’s eccentric characters, I feel that the Mad Hatter will be a staple for both children and adults. Why? I don’t really understand…quite frankly, I thought it was a mediocre performance in a movie that was only okay (I can hear the comments from Johnny Depp fans now…and it’s already grating). I don’t see why people would want to imitate this…and do so poorly. Let’s face it. No matter how good of a makeup artist you are, the local Halloween costumes and makeup from your local Walgreen’s or Wal-Mart cannot make you look like the professional quality Mad Hatter from the film (you also have to take digital effects into account too).

2) Avatar. You are not a blue alien from another planet…why pretend to be one and do it poorly. James Cameron’s movie was pretty amazing visually. The Na’vi are a computer generated race. I don’t know that a professional, movie make-up crew could effectively do it…so, I don’t know that we as normal people who have not experience in turning others into creatures could. Don’t get me wrong…I wish we could transform ourselves, but we can’t.  So, get over it and move on. Also, please don’t try to be a Na’vi who is skinny and be a 300 pound person in a loin cloth…it just doesn’t bode well…

3) Edward and Bella. It doesn’t take much to look like a douchey vampire “teen” and his emotionally dead piece of meat…that’s all I’m saying. They have an unhealthy relationship and just because you think it’s a beautiful love story doesn’t make it okay. If I see people dressed like this and they are sincere about wearing the costumes, I will heckle them…yeah…

So, there you have it. On Halloween when I go to my door or to Halloween Parties, I will be on the look out for such costumes. I will try my best to avoid you, but if you persist in trying to chat with me, I might have to tell you like it is…Sorry.

Top 10 Reasons I’m Not a Fan of Twilight

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10. Vampires don’t sparkle. I don’t care how you slice it…they should either burn or lose their powers…the whole sparkling thing is kinda lame. I mean it says “HEY WORLD. LOOK AT ME. I AM SOMETHING TO BE FEARED!”…If you are a creature of the night that lives purely on the blood of another creature, do you really need to call attention to that. (I don’t care if Meyer does try to rationalize this fact by saying that this is the reason why they live in Washington State.)

9. Animal blood…I don’t care how much a vampire claims to be reformed and a “vegetarian” as they call themselves. Vampires are predators of men. Animal blood just doesn’t seem like it would satiate the desire to hunt the most elusive prey…mankind. Also, I think that after a vampire had had a taste of human blood that they would be addicted to it because the wild blood of the animals would probably taste a bit “gamey”.

8. The fact that the Cullen family is willing to stay a family for so long. This doesn’t make sense to me. I get tired of being around people in my family pretty quickly sometimes. I couldn’t fathom spending years, decades, centuries around them…now, I know that some of the Cullens are relatively young; however, people get on each others nerves. They seem happy to live together in harmony…and while this behavior of having a leader of the pack dictate the whole works for animals, I don’t know how well it would work for something that reasons like a human.

7. The fact that it’s really just a love story. While vampire literature can have the idea of love entering into it (I’m not saying that), the majority of vampire stories do not have this as the pure basis of why this story is important…on the other hand, Twilight and the subsequent books focus mainly on this with vampires and werewolves being throw in as backdrop…if you need to get your jollies off by reading something like this, I suggest the romance book aisle at Wal-Mart because quite frankly while they are literary trash some of them are better written than the Meyer books.

6. Washington…Really? Now, I have nothing against Washington (it is a beautiful state), but it seems to me that with all the power that vampirism entails  that they would live in and visit places with a little more history to them. Why not visit Italy or France or Germany or Russia…somewhere a little more exotic. I know that Meyer says they live here because of the overcast days…but really, this is the reason why the vampire is seen as a creature of the night. If these particular vampires only came out at night, they wouldn’t have this problem either.

5. Vampire literature is steeped in folklore and oral tradition dating back centuries. The only thing that Meyer really had the followed the vampire mythos at all is the fact that they drink blood and that completely tearing them apart will destroy them…I mean sure they are other thing there that other people assume are just tied to the vampire myth like super strength, super speed, etc. but these are not found in a lot of the actual base folklore of the vampire.

4. The extra powers that her vampires have are not really original. The whole mind reading thing has been done. Read Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles. Her vampires have very similar “gifts” to Meyer’s. Anne’s vampires came first…thereby, it seems that Meyer may have borrowed the idea from Rice.

3. I despise the character of Bella. Her angsty teenager personality is terrible. She lusts after a guy that she meets randomly and pines over him using every available synonym for pretty or beautiful out there…Good God, get over it…that’s what I think…she is  a narrator that I cannot relate to…this might be because I have a penis. I don’t know…I’m just saying it.

2. The male leads of the novels/movies Edward and Jacob are not that great in my head. Edward is brooding and angsty just like Bella which is sad because he is a 100 year old teenager…Jacob is weird and off to the side and is there just for plot point to me…They’re both really static charaters…main characters to me should be fully realized “people”.

1. The whole star-crossed lovers thing has been done before and much better. Think of Romeo and Juliet. Shakespeare wrote a brilliant play of love and tragedy…Meyer has written a stock narrator in the form of Bella (who is written without a personality because Meyer wants the reader to “become” Bella). She falls in love with the “bad” guy. From that point, terrible things unfold for her; until, she finally becomes a vampire and has a baby…Please…it’s God awful…

Bad writing, bad plot, misusage of a mythological creature, and other terrible facets are the main reasons that I dislike this series. I know that some things are open to interpretation (i.e. the whole vampire thing), but there is nothing that can redeem the many flaws that stretch across all fields of writing.

To All the Vampires I’ve Loved Before

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With the increase of vampire related media in an already saturated world, one begins to wonder if the idea of the vampire has been overused. Has the vampire been overdone? This is a question that I constantly ask myself with each new vampire book and movie that appears in the mainstream. Why is this saturation of vampire paraphernalia so astronomical?

I believe that it deals with the appeal of being a vampire. In most modern vampire stories, the characters of the vampires are romanticised to a point that makes them seem like less of what they are. I mean come on people they drink the blood of living, breathing creatures to survive (whether they be animal or human). If you look at the Twilight series, I feel that you get a good representation of this. In the books/movies, you have a vampire “family” trying to be normal. They live in a place with cloud cover (Washington State) to prevent their “sparkling” in the sun (pretty dumb if you ask me) and feed off animals to survive…The Cullen family is seen as a group of “good” vampires because they don’t feed on humans…However, this idea of a “good” vampire is problematic. Stephanie Meyer who wrote the books seems to want to purely humanize the creatures and fails as a result because vampires are as much humans as a chair is a refrigerator. I believe she sacrificed the ideas behind the vampire folklore/mythos to try to create a Romeo and Juliet story between species….and doing so, her story becomes weird. It seems to lose sight of the creatures that vampires are which really irks me.

I like the stance that Anne Rice takes with writing her vampire chronicles. She seems to take the stance that she is writing about a supernatural creature in a real world. She also portrays her characters very well-roundedly by making each of them sympathetic in their own right but keeping us aware all the time that these are creatures that are monsters…they are not human and thereby are not bound by the rules that humanity sets. Anne wonderfully develops her characters and sets them into actual places…she also seems to have a great deal of respect for the folkloric creature the vampire is (instead of flippantly using them).

Charlaine Harris also does this same thing (to a lesser degree but still intriguingly so) in her Sookie Stackhouse novels. Harris creates a world where vampires and other supernatural creatures exist side by side. She develops nuances and continually keeps up with her mythology that she creates which keeps the coherent flow of her novels (given that in later books things do get a little crazy when fairies, werewolves, witches and other supernaturals come into play).

I think my main point that I have been rambling on about is this: vampires (while they may be visually appealing creatures) are not beautiful creatures to be admired or admonished. Meyer and others have set them up to almost be angels in their own right. In my opinion, this glazing over of their true nature isn’t being true to the original concept of vampirism. I like the models of Rice and Harris better because they allow us to see these vampires as beautiful creatures, but through scenes of violence and heartlessness, they allow us to see the true creature at heart. Afterall, who says that you can’t have sympathy for the devil?